So thankful (I guess) - week one

Many of my friends on Facebook are posting one thing they're thankful for each day. I missed the memo on this one so I don't know if it's just until Thanksgiving or if it's for the whole month of November. Either way, people are sharing their appreciation for things great and small.

So what do I have to be thankful for? Plenty, that's for sure. But being thankful isn't funny, nor does it really get the creative juices flowing (unless you start running out of things and then you have to get a little creative). A good friend suggested that instead I should share things that I am "thankful" for. (The quote marks are to indicate sarcasm.)

Each day I tweet something I'm thankful for, which I will replicate here. Now, I started late on this so I'm going to cheat with the first few days. In a week I'll post another seven thanks and will continue until December rolls around. If you don't want to wait, follow me on twitter @sarcasm_inc1.

Day 1: I'm thankful for euthanasia.
Day 2: I'm thankful that teachers have so much free time and extra money for lavish vacations.
Day 3: I'm thankful that the Bible is solid evidence of God's existence.
Day 4: I'm thankful for cheaply made goods.
Day 5: I'm thankful for puppy mills.
Day 6: I'm thankful that, after years of oppression, rich white men can finally vote.
Day 7: I'm thankful that, in most states, if two people love each other very much but have the same genitalia, they cannot wed.

Boobs schmoobs

October brings to mind many things: leaves changing color, Halloween, breast cancer awareness. But did you know that it is also National Sarcastic Awareness month? No, I didn't either because ladies' headlights keep stealing the spotlight. Football players don't wear pink shoes to show their support for sarcasm awareness; they wear it to show their support for healthy boobs. (Insert your own bra joke here.)

Well, I say that we need to rise up and let the public know just what sarcasm is all about! Did you know that sarcasm affects 100% of Americans? We all need to get our inner sarcastic voice checked by professionals once a year and self exams should be done every day to unsuspecting friends and coworkers. Should you find that your audience responds with a hurt expression because she thinks that you're sincere, seek immediate medical attention. Prolonging help will result in decreased levels of sarcasm and increased levels of genuine kindness. Don't let this happen to you or your loved ones. Spread the sarcastic word today!